Thinking about being in love again,
Gives me the worst feeling in my stomach.
It’s clearly too soon to even consider a new relationship. And I’m not saying I have any contenders or am even looking.. But just the mere thought of someone potentially loving me one day - It scares the shit out of me. I was lied to for a year and a half. What I thought was love wasn’t even close. I couldn’t tell you what it was. So to think about what I had with this person for a year and a half, compare it to love, and then think about love again. It makes me cringe. It makes me never want to get even remotely close to anyone emotionally so they can’t hurt me like he did. So they can’t lie to me, betray me, and pretend to love me - Or whatever the fuck he did. So they can’t steal my heart and then give it back to me shattered. So they can’t make me love them, and not love me back.
Love makes me sick now. Before it made me happy. Now all I want to do is be alone.
